At Fault

Song of the day: "Make Me Believe" Godsmack

If something happens in which you are a slightly major piece on the playing field, does that make you at fault? Does it make you the one to blame? I've been told not, but I'm not sure I really believe it.... I'm having trouble deciding if it's my fault or the fault of another. Is it really anyone's fault or is it just Fate sticking Her head in and playing the slightly cruel bit, or is it just life? Something we can not change and have no control over? If I'm finally happy at the expense of someone else's pain, is that my fault? If I wasn't here at all would it fix things and undo what has been done for the time being and allow people to patch up wounds and put the chain links back together? I've always wondered about that. I know that makes me sound emo and ridiculous, but it's true....I've always had that question whispering in the back of my mind, haunting my thoughts and raping my dreams of the things I'd much rather see, the night sky or the things I care for most. There are so many things out there that we can not control. Some people think they can control everything. Maybe for a time and maybe over some people but.... we can never truely control someone else's actions or their words or feelings. I probably should have added somewhere in all this that I am a lifestyle switch. Anyways..... What makes someone a bad person? Is it the way they talk and act? Is it their actions? Is it their past and their demons? Is it where they grew up and the type of person they are? Is it what they've learned throughout their life? Or is it what they've done with all that information and teachings? Who they've chosen to become? If that's the case does that make me a bad person? Does it make the world so full of bad people? Or are they good people who've made bad decisions? Who gets to choose whose good and whose bad? What gives any one person the right to say who lives and who dies? Is it really just, or is it something hidden beneath the skin? I think this is enough for now, I have said all I need to for the moment and I think I've bitched enough to last a few days. Have a good day and bye for now.


~Wolf

nothing to say

I need a hug
a comforting touch
it hurts in a spot i can't physically touch
a feel of nothingness conquers the rest

to know

song of the night: 'Suicide Hotline' by ICP. I don't like the ending, but I just like the beat and the way the song sounds.

I can't go back, I know I can't. I can't go back to a place where I know I'm not truely wanted. I told myself I wouldn't do that again, it hurts to much. I've always thought I didn't have a heart, that it was just a space in my body filled with nothing, so why does it hurt so much? It hurt a little, and then nothing, just emptiness; a hurt that doesn't go away lightly pushed beneath my skin never to come up again. Why does it hurt so much for ghosts of the past to ask for what was once theirs? Why does it feel like my heart is being torn open and eaten by the very things that it houses, little demons with blood red eyes and big raven wings to go along with shadowed bodies. It felt like I was being sufficated, the air in which I need to breath slowly being taken from my space. My dark little home invaded by past occupants, choosing to rape and destroy, bursting into the small spaces that was once their rooms, tearing open old wounds and never leaving me to peace. Upon their departure my house is destroyed, bleeding all over my battlescarred land. Silent screams rape the dark landscape, pulling forth the shadows and ripping them apart, summoning demons and wreaking havick over this place once called my home. The doors have been boarded closed, the door locked from the inside. Repairs can not be made, the little english handiman not allowed inside the gate to help fix the ruins of the house, this place no longer a home.

It hurt a little, and then nothing, just emptiness;
a hurt that doesn't go away
lightly pushed beneath my skin never to come up again
the dark battling the light
warring for control of my mind
the feild a battlescarred heart
rough and wounded from wars of the past
something you can't look passed
a place where you can't go
i don't know i'll survive this one
so many people asking
wanting
seeming to be needing
i can't go back
i can't give up this bit that i've won
it's my life my heart my soul myself


(copyright all by Wolfykitten)

Understanding

*growls* damnit! I wrote all this, and I was just about to send it, and I ended up pressing a fucking button and deleting the whole fucking thing! *sighs* ok well, I'm too tired to do it again and I wouldn't be able to duplicate or re-write it anyways so goodnight blog reader people.

Before I go I might as well introduce myself. I'm Wolf, and I'll talk more later. byebye for now.

~submissive to her wonderful Sir.~ Wolf

P.S. I hope Sir gets a chance to read my blogs because I'll probably be saying a lot of things here that I can't say in person because I'm too embarrassed and nervous to even thing of mentioning them.