Song of the day: "Doll Parts" by Hole
It's days like this where I just want to put in headphones, blast the music, and drown myself in it and ever come up again. I feel so so guilty for how I'm feeling but I can't help it, and I would right down more, but if I did, it would kill my bariers and I'd burst into tears and probably slip into old habits, which would be (for those of you who know me and know what my habits used to be) really really bad.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
To ache
Song of the Day: 'Doll Parts' by Hole
Saying goodbye hurts, but sometimes it's nessaccary. As much as we'd hate to admit it, it can often times be for the best. It may hurt more than we can stand, but what makes use strong is our abbility to stand it and live through that pain. Even if that someone caused you so many tears and so much pain, a small part of you will always love them; a small part of you will always want to be theirs, be it their submissive, their dominant, or (for those vanilla) their boyfriend/girlfriend. As much as I hate to admit it, I can be hurt, even if I don't show it. Most of the time I'll just lie and say I'm fine, but inside, I'm breaking apart and dying inside, a pain so hard to hide but nessaccary to survive. We all have times and moments like that, and sadly, I'm having one right now.
Saying goodbye hurts, but sometimes it's nessaccary. As much as we'd hate to admit it, it can often times be for the best. It may hurt more than we can stand, but what makes use strong is our abbility to stand it and live through that pain. Even if that someone caused you so many tears and so much pain, a small part of you will always love them; a small part of you will always want to be theirs, be it their submissive, their dominant, or (for those vanilla) their boyfriend/girlfriend. As much as I hate to admit it, I can be hurt, even if I don't show it. Most of the time I'll just lie and say I'm fine, but inside, I'm breaking apart and dying inside, a pain so hard to hide but nessaccary to survive. We all have times and moments like that, and sadly, I'm having one right now.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thuddy or Stingy? YES!!!!!!!
Song of the Day: 'Tao Of The Machine' BT & The Roots
Over the weekend I went to my first bdsm club (honestly, it was also the first club I've ever been to in general) and I got flogged for the first time! I was clipped onto a St. Andrew's cross and my basically bare ass and shoulderblades were flogged a bunch. ::a dazed and satisfied look comes into my eyes as I remember Saturday night:: Oh, it was so much fun and such a sweet wonderful pain. This was my brain during the flogging: "Ooo, Master's flogging me. Yays. (in a very dazed voice)", "Oooo, Master's enjoying flogging me. (more dazed voice)", and "Aahh, pain. (and even more dazed voice)". Yup, that was pretty much the extent of my thinking during the flogging. I'm 99.999% sure that that's going to be one of the things that's going to put me into subspace. I've found that I love the sounds of the flogger wooshing through the air, and the thud of it hitting my back ::shivers in pleasure:: I didn't think I'd like it that much, but I loved it! If someone were to ask me if I liked stingy or thuddy, my answer would be? YES!!!! Just take a cane or flogger to me and I'll squirm and wiggle and maybe whimper at the pain, but i'll be so fucking wet with the pleasure of it as well. ::sighs again with a dope-y grin on my face as I wiggle my still sore ass on the hard seat I'm sitting in:: Andandandandand I have marks! Yays! Bruises on my ass and shoulders and they look so awesome. ::blushes:: What, I don't mark easily so I'm happy to have them.......
Over the weekend I went to my first bdsm club (honestly, it was also the first club I've ever been to in general) and I got flogged for the first time! I was clipped onto a St. Andrew's cross and my basically bare ass and shoulderblades were flogged a bunch. ::a dazed and satisfied look comes into my eyes as I remember Saturday night:: Oh, it was so much fun and such a sweet wonderful pain. This was my brain during the flogging: "Ooo, Master's flogging me. Yays. (in a very dazed voice)", "Oooo, Master's enjoying flogging me. (more dazed voice)", and "Aahh, pain. (and even more dazed voice)". Yup, that was pretty much the extent of my thinking during the flogging. I'm 99.999% sure that that's going to be one of the things that's going to put me into subspace. I've found that I love the sounds of the flogger wooshing through the air, and the thud of it hitting my back ::shivers in pleasure:: I didn't think I'd like it that much, but I loved it! If someone were to ask me if I liked stingy or thuddy, my answer would be? YES!!!! Just take a cane or flogger to me and I'll squirm and wiggle and maybe whimper at the pain, but i'll be so fucking wet with the pleasure of it as well. ::sighs again with a dope-y grin on my face as I wiggle my still sore ass on the hard seat I'm sitting in:: Andandandandand I have marks! Yays! Bruises on my ass and shoulders and they look so awesome. ::blushes:: What, I don't mark easily so I'm happy to have them.......
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Funny Shit for all Those Kink
I think you all would get a kick out of this: Ok, you know how people will put big sign things on the side of the freeways saying things like 'god bless america' and whatnot? Well Master and I were coming back home from Nevada and I saw one (a really big fancy one that went all along a fence) that said 'Happiness is submission to god alone'. I burst out laughing and told Master about it and He laughed as well. Sadly enough, I didn't get a picture of it .
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
an awesome poem
It's not mine, but just a poem I found a few years ago that I loved.
"So long as the new moon
returns in heaven,
a bent beautiful bow,
So long will the
fascination of Archery
keep hold of the hearts of men"
Maurice Thompson-----1878
"So long as the new moon
returns in heaven,
a bent beautiful bow,
So long will the
fascination of Archery
keep hold of the hearts of men"
Maurice Thompson-----1878
Monday, July 6, 2009
randomness
song of the day: 'sunspots' Nine Inch Nails
He wants to protect me
and i know i'm loved
He would never let true harm come to me
and i know He honestly cares
lately it seems to be something rare
something only told of in hopes and dreams
a wonderful person i see
and one i will always hold dear
copyright Wolfykitten 7/06/09
He wants to protect me
and i know i'm loved
He would never let true harm come to me
and i know He honestly cares
lately it seems to be something rare
something only told of in hopes and dreams
a wonderful person i see
and one i will always hold dear
copyright Wolfykitten 7/06/09
Friday, June 26, 2009
festering wound
there is a certain relief that comes from crying
let your tears loose and don't feel like dying
you may feel it inside, that darkness seeping in
but don't let it consume you
it'll take you over once again and you'll never be the same
what was gained will be lost again
never to return even if it's called upon
your hurt runs deep, like a knife wound in your heart
all festered and infected
it pusses and bleeds
and just when it's healed
someone of once great importance comes and picks the scab clean
making the clear to bleed
copyright Wolfykitten 6/26/09
let your tears loose and don't feel like dying
you may feel it inside, that darkness seeping in
but don't let it consume you
it'll take you over once again and you'll never be the same
what was gained will be lost again
never to return even if it's called upon
your hurt runs deep, like a knife wound in your heart
all festered and infected
it pusses and bleeds
and just when it's healed
someone of once great importance comes and picks the scab clean
making the clear to bleed
copyright Wolfykitten 6/26/09
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